


you feel like home

by monarchbeing (spaghettifications)



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anal Sex, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I Don't Even Ship Ryden, Inspired by Music, LMAO, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Ryden Smut, Sweet/Hot, also read throam u have probably heard of it its great, brendons a scumbag fr, but like this is sweet and cute, i love ryan ross sm, idk how to write smut pls bear with me, im tuning out school to write this, mostly just love n shit idk, panic at the disco sucks lol, pretty odd era ryan btw, shipping irl people is weird but theyre rich enough it shouldnt matter, so like its not an emo fic rly, soft asf, stan the young viens, this is gonna be wacky idk, this is totally not inspired by throam, we will see!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:15:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29344965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaghettifications/pseuds/monarchbeing
Summary: Theyre a band but its Brendon, Spencer, Brent and Jon but they all dont like Brendon very much lol. Ryan is hired to be a lead guitarist and backup singer since the band is lacking that. Shit goes down i guess.
Relationships: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	you feel like home

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is what falling in love should feel like i think. i do not condone shipping real people mostly!! this is just for fun brendons a shit person anyways and i doubt this fic will get any traction lol

'Um, lets try that one again.' Brendon Urie said.  
Jon Walker rolled his eyes. This is their 6th run through of their new single. At this point it's uncertain is Brendon actually thinks it isn't good, or he just wants to indirectly reiterate that he's the 'most talented' member. His voice never fails. And it's so frustrating. What did he do to deserve a range of 8 octaves?? The other members are equally as skilled, but the lead singer will forever get the most recognition. It wouldn't be nearly as frustrating if he wants such a rude, annoying person.  
'Well, actually,' Spencer Smith clears his throat. 'I have to be heading home. However,' He smiled, 'We have a big day tomorrow.'  
Brendon raised his eyebrows inquisitively. 'What do you mean by that?'  
Brent Wilson chimed in. 'We've finally found a guitarist and backup vocalist that will heavily suit our band. He's coming to the studio tomorrow morning.'  
'What??' Brendon has visible annoyance in his voice. 'You guys chose without me?'  
'You met him.' Jon says, rather deadpan. 'A few months back. You kept expressing that the audition process is boring, so we decided to leave you out of it after you met some of the possible new members.'  
'Oh.' Brendon says. 'Well, what's his name?  
'Ryan Ross.' Spencer replied, packing his bags. He can't wait to get out of here after very long day.  
'Hm. I don't remember him.'  
'Well, you'll see him tomorrow.' Brent already out the door. 'See y'all in 14 hours.'

\-----

The rising sun was shining in Brendon eyes as he drove to the studio. He was having trouble remembering who Ryan was. It's hard for him to keep his attention doing things that he doesn't want to do, including auditions. As he arrived, though, he could make out a sihlouette facing away from the sun, waiting for the other band members to arrive. A petite guy holding a guitar case.  
Brendon pulled into the lot and approached him. He was struck with the immediate acknowledgement that this man was pretty. He'd never seen a truly pretty guy before. His brown eyes were dark yet bright, his hair just long enough to somewhat frame his face. You could tell he wasn't a confident guy, he acted small.  
'Hey, I'm Ryan Ross,' he said. 'New to the band. You're Brendon, right? I remember you. It's a pleasure.'  
'Yeah, hi.' Brendon said, giving his hand a firm, quick shake. He didn't know this man. Didn't know how to feel. Finding him attractive didn't help with his pride.  
Ryan was wrecked with nerves. He felt like he might've made it to the big time. He just wished that the lead singer of this band wasn't so blantantly standoffish. He hoped it wouldn't make the vibe of practice weird.  
However, it did. As Jon, Spencer, and Brent met up with them and they entered their practice space, they could tell something was up. As the guitars and basses were getting tuned, Brendon was silent. This is odd, seeing as he's often the loudest person in the band.  
Soon, Spencer broke the silence. 'So, Ryan, let's get to know you a bit.' He smiled. 'Tell us some stuff about yourself.'  
Ryan stuttered a bit, clearly nervous. 'Um. Well, I love roadtrips and cats and folk music. I live on my own in a studio apartment. I've been playing music since I was 13.' He smiled. 'That's all there really is to me.'  
'Bullshit', Brendon thought. Clearly there was more to him than meets the eye. It annoyed Brendon, how curious he was.  
They began practicing, rerecording some music that would be better with the addition of Ryan. He melted all over his guitar strings. When the chorus hit and he sung, it came out soft and smooth. A perfect contrast to the raw intensity of Brendon's voice.  
After a several hours of rerecording and recording new songs, they packed up for the day. There were genuine butterflies in Brendon's chest. He was so drawn to this mystery boy. And he hated it. He wasn't used to feeling this vulnerable to someone, particularly a man he already had power over. He was Ryan's superior. So why didn't he feel like it?  
Ryan was oblivious to Brendon's silent frustration. He was feeling content and satisfied, knowing he just proved that he was worthy to be here. He worked very well with the band, musically and otherwise. He thought the members were all cool guys. He didn't understand why Brendon wasn't really talking to him, but he didn't pay much mind.

\------

A few weeks go by of them practicing and beginning to form some sort of album. Brendon thought that if he ignored the feelings, they'd just go away. He could just get over it. But they just got stronger. Ryan's infectious smile, the way every movement he makes is with precision. The way during his guitar solos he stares at his instrument and works with it like they're one and the same. His singing voice matches his energy, timid yet confident, strong yet small. He was so composed. And Brendon noticed it all. He was in awe. He was scared it'd blossom into love.  
But alas, darling feelings like that can't always be tempered.  
After one session, Ryan said: 'Guys, would y'all want to come to my apartment and smoke something?'  
Brendon immediately felt a surge of nervousness. Ryan's house?  
'Yeah, totally!' Spencer exclaimed. Everyone was down, so of course Brendon tagged along.  
'Don't do anything obnoxious.' Jon whispered to Brendon. That remark would be a slap in the face to most people, but Brendon knew Jon cared a lot about the social dynamics of the band. This band is his baby. Also, he knew that Jon wasn't the biggist fan of him.  
Ryan was relieved that everyone wanted to hang with him. His social anxiety can get bad when throwing himself out there like this. He had weed ready for this moment, actually. He really likes these guys, and wants to get closer. Brendon, however, is someone he's always unsure about. He thinks he's incredible, someone who looks like he'd be a marble statue. Someone with a voice that punches you in the face then makes out with it. But he's nervous Brendon doesn't think of him half as highly.  
Ryan's apartment isn't as small and dingy as Brendon expected. It's somewhat spacious, a black cat curled up on the couch and quite a few bookshelves. Huge windows that give a clear view of the setting sun.  
The guys sit on the couch, Spencer begins petting the cat.  
'Her names Rose,' Ryan says, become going to his bedroom to retrieve the gas.  
Brendon stares into Rose's electric green eyes, and thinks of all the memories Ryan probably has with this cat. He looks at the vinyls on one of the bookshelves, and imagines him listening to that music and smiling. Fuck. Brendon shakes his head a bit. FUCK! What are these feelings even??  
Ryan returned with three jays and a lighter. He sits in the floor next to Brendon while Brent, Jon and Spencer remain on the couch.  
He lights the first one and inhales while closing his eyes. The smoke burls in his throat and he exhales while passing it. He's determined to loosen up a bit. Hopefully his nervousness isn't visible. These guys are just so cool, and Brendon, this man he looks up to is right next to him... it's scary. Exciting, but scary.  
After a few rounds people are falling further out of sobriety. They're just talking about crazy exes, interesting concert stories, just fun and interesting topics. Ryan felt so happy when he made them laugh.  
Brendon was trying to have fun, but being with Ryan in such a personal setting was nerve wrecking. Every time he talked, Brendon wanted more. Whenever he laughed, Brendon wanted more. He wanted to hear his voice forever. His hand was on the floor, inches away from him. Brendon felt such an overwhelming urge to touch it with his.  
As the hour hit around 3am, Jon said he should pack it in. Brent and Spencer soon followed suit. Brendon knew it would be weird if he stayed.  
As he got up to leave and Ryan hugged him goodbye, he decided to do something small. He took a strand of Ryans hair and tucked it behind his ear. He then soaked up Ryans brown eyes as much as he could, then promptly turned away. He smiled as he exited the door, though, because he could hear Ryan quickly suck in his breath when Brendons fingertips made 2 second contact with his skin.  
'Wait.' Ryan whispered.  
Brendon turned and was immediately met with a soft yet piercing gaze. He walked up to him.  
Ryan put his hand on Brendon's chest. He flinched as his nerves electrified. Ryan's overflowing his brain, the smallest piece of contact feels like the whole world.  
They were at a standstill, not knowing where to go. They both knew, though. They knew nothing else.  
Brendon left. A mass of confusion hung over both their heads. Where do we go from here?

\------

Band practice restarted two days later. Brendon and Ryan both sipping copious amounts of coffee. The nights since that heated moment have been sleepless.  
Ryan's brain has been running nonstop. How much does Brendon like him? Do I bring it up? Did that small instant mean as much to Brendon as it does to him? Did it really mean anything?? Is he overthinking this?? Ryan knows Brendon is a powerful being who brings passion to everything he does. Could Ryan be someone that makes him lose his footing?  
They start recording a new song for the first time. Ryans wearing a brown vest and a white button down. Something about his soft folky vibe makes Brendon want to soften. The song is a love song, and Brendon closes his eyes and sings as if he's singing to Ryan. When the recordings over, Spencer actually applauds him.  
'That was one of my favorite vocals you've ever done.' He said. 'When your voice is the most impassioned, it's at its best.'  
Brendon feels kind of sheepish at this comment. Him and Ryan steal a quick glance. There's something here. He's sure of it. The way he feels about Ryan, there's no way it isn't real.  
Over the next few weeks, Brendon and Ryan stir in concurrent infatuation. Is it infaturation? That's difficult for them to figure out. All Brendon knows is that he finds Ryan and everything he says and does to be beautiful. He wants to spend all his time with him. He wants to know him deeper. He wants to know every inch of him deeper.  
Whenever his mind wanders to sex, he doesn't know what to think. All that matters to him right now is seeing him every day.  
Until that changes.  
One morning, Ryan breaks the news that he has to move from New York to Vermont.  
His eyes are almost welling up. 'Guys... I'm getting evicted. As it turns out, you're not allowed to smoke weed in my apartment.' He does a small forced laugh, but hates how the band members faces are oozing with pity.  
'So,' he continues, stuttering a bit, 'when my mom passed she left me a lovely 4 story home right outside of Burlington. I have a job teaching music at a high school, and I already know people in the area.  
'Thus, I think it's practical here for something stable.'  
As the other band members were offering their apologies and goodbyes, Brendon felt like he was drowning. Drowning in endings. The fact that their story was over before it begun is a weight that crushes him into the floor.  
Until an idea appeared before him. A lifeboat.  
Ryan approached him. 'Hey.'  
Brendon set up eye contact. 'Let me come with you.'  
Ryan did a small gasp. Then paused for 6 agonizing seconds.  
'Of course,' He smiled. 'You know I love a good road trip.'

\------

They loaded into Ryan's car. A 5 and a half hour car ride awaited them.  
Outside of the band, there was nobody in New York City worth a goodbye. They felt guilty leaving, but a beam of light called possibility shone the way they were supposed to go.  
Brendon had purchased the CD verson of some of the vinyls he saw in Ryan's old apartment. Music flowed into the car and surrounded them. They sang and talked and smiled and their souls grew closer with each passing hour. Ryan's image of Brendon shifted from a majestic, intimidating creature to a lovable, bright soul. Brendon began to see how strong and sharp Ryan truly was. Their perceptions of one another were becoming tangible and accurate.  
Eventually they arrived to the house and moved in. It was big and empty, no longer holding a family like it was built for. Maybe Brendon and Ryan can fill it with love again.

\------

Night fell, and they laid eyes on the king sized bed in the master bedroom. They had already changed the sheets, so all that was left was for them to sleep.  
They crawled into bed, tension immediately filled all the space between them. Brendon couldn't wait for this, but also was scared.  
He turned to Ryan and got on top of him, and they started at each other with a loving gaze. Brendon touched his chest. It was soft. Him and Ryan's faces were moving in closer until their mouths met. The tension dissipated, and was replaced with light and wonder.  
The exploration of their bodies and this physical expression of love was new, and they tried to take it slow.  
Ryan's face kissed Brendons lips to his chest to his hips. He looked up and met Brendon's gaze. 'Do you want to?'  
Brendon looked at the face of this beautiful human that he cannot believe is his. 'Yes.' He says softly.  
Ryan stretched his mouth around Brendon's cock. He was clumsly at first, but relaxed his throat and felt a surge of euphoria hearing Brendon gasp and shutter in ecstacy. He was making his boyfriend feel this way.  
However, the roles reversed, as they often do. At this point they were sweating and felt such an intense closeness. Two beings together in every way. Brendon asked Ryan if he was ready, and he said yes. Ryan flipped over on his back and Brendon entered. The connection began, it hurt a little bit then waves and waves of joy followed. They gasped and groaned until a mutual conclusion of euphoria showered upon them. It an awkward event, but one that felt right.  
All wrapped up in blankets and staring at each other, they thinking but not saying: 'this is what love feels like.'


End file.
